Here are the

 Top 10 secrets (drum roll please):

 

1.  Left 4, Right 10, left 20
2. I like people less when I find out they dont like cats.
3. My wife and I got kicked out of a swimming pool in a motel at Lake Chelan for skinny dipping.
4. I have one thousand dollars in my back yard.
5. I farted in the classroom and I was the teacher !!!
6. I have to fart.  But I'm riding with a girl I'm trying to impress.  Painful.
7. I feel broken...  Thanks you for the lemonade. ---------this guy.
8. I broke the keys on my dad's laptop and blamed it on my friends.
9. I often cheat at board games to beat my 8 and 10 year old nephews.
10. I purposely push myself too hard at work so when I come home, i don't have to do any chores because I am "too tired"

and our followers, with their assigned random generator number, are:

1. Mel
2. Cherie
3. Sarah
4. Tina
5. Christine
6. Austin
7. Dan
8. Elisa
9. Nicole
10. Andrea

See ya in September!

The Top 10 Secrets - Vote for all your favorites!!

After a thorough evaluation and careful consideration we have our top ten secrets ... and 47 more.  Help us whittle our list down to 10.  Vote for ALL your favorite secrets...it could be 57 or it could be 2, it doesn't matter.  
 

The selection process is quite simple;  If a secret made you feel anything beyond a basic, "hmmm" or "oh" , it was a good  secret.  

 

Considering that our thorough evaluation and careful consideration process consisted of a very cursory look at the posted secrets, one or 10 good ones may have slipped past, so feel free to post it in the comments and we'll be sure to send it through our rigorous evaluation system again.

1.  I like people less when I find out they dont like cats.
2. My wife and I got kicked out of a swimming pool in a motel at Lake Chelan for skinny dipping.
3. Vegas Confession: - Payed for hooker and didn't even get sex!
4. My wife thinks she married up, but most people think she's unfortunate
5. I have catered weddings for 5 years & we always take bets on 1) how long it will last 2) how drunk the bride will get & 3)sometimes get drunk on the job
6. I love to squeeze jello thru my teeth
7. Being Chinese makes me uncomfortable
8. My son became a criminal and died a violent death because of his reactions to my selfish neglect of him in his childhood
9. I don't speak spanish, but everyone thinks I do.
10. I don't really want this new tandem!!
11. I started Roller derby because I couldn't cut myself anymore but I keep doing it because I don't want to anymore.
12. One time I cheated playing scrabble and flipped over some tiles to pretend they were blanks.
13. I feel somewhat responsible for my little brother's problems :(
14. I'm missing my two front teeth.
15. I do not like my bruthrs
16. I have one thousand dollars in my back yard.
17. When I clean my room I really just throw it all under the bed
18. I don't really like lemonade
19. I have a secret hidden desire to kiss my boss.
20. The name of the guy on the Alaska Airlines Airplane is Chester.
21. I hate riding bikes.
22. I'm not sure I calculate my business taxes correctly
23. I farted in the classroom and I was the teacher !!!
24. I sometimes feed my cat an extra meal (He is on a diet)
25. I sucked my thumb until I was 35 yrs old!  Thanks
26. I hate my girlfriend but I tell her I love her.
27. I would like to leave my boyfriend but am afraid of being alone.
28. We've bought my husband a surprise birthday balloon ride but he might be scared of heights...
29. Fear of Heights.
30. I have to fart.  But I'm riding with a girl I'm trying to impress.  Painful.
31. I have secret money hidden away!
32. I purposely push myself too hard at work so when I come home, i don't have to do any chores because I am "too tired"
33. Sometimes I like when our cats come and wake us up, even though my girlfriend hates when that happens. :)
34. I have guilt regarding my brother.  We have no relationship, & it makes me incredibly sad
35. I can't blow up balloons!
36. I cheated on all my lovers.  (I don't do it anymore, got married)
37. I have pee stains on my underwear
38. I feel broken...  Thanks you for the lemonade. ---------this guy.
39. I'm going to do the stp in one day on saturday for the first time, but i am going to have my brother follow me in my car to drive me to portland if I get too tired or to the nearest hotel and ride the rest of the way on sunday.
40. I am a straight guy and love romantic movies
41. I'm a pre op Boy
42. One time I peed in my backyard when I was locked out.
43. I secretly pretend I'm from england or france - je parle francais
44. I wish I knew how to tell people that my dad is sick.  I feel too awkward about it
45. I once ate all my friend's pie.
46. Left 4, Right 10, left 20
47. I rode the STP but on the 2nd day I cheated and drove 70 miles and then biked to the finish line to get a ribbon.
48. Confession I like my dog more than my cat
49. I'm supposed to be in a faculty meeting
50. I'm not wearing underwear
51. I talk to myself in a British accent.
52.  I get my spanish friend to do my spanish homework.
53. When it is a cloudy day me and my friend play Zoo Tycoon 2
54. I broke the keys on my dad's laptop and blamed it on my friends.
55. I often cheat at board games to beat my 8 and 10 year old nephews.
56. I sometimes can't stand people. Would rather be with dogs

Friday the 13th

1. I give myself more attention than others, although I live by a religion that is to give up my life for other people.
2. Im the shit nigx!
3. I'm attracted to someone but wont do anything about it cause I <3 my husband
4.  My previous life is a monk. Like monky!!!
5. I am a selfish person. You'd think it wouldn't be a secret but I hide it very well.
6. I try to appear carefree and open- minded, but i'm pretty judgmental and critical of others.
7. I have never seen this part of the Burke Gilman Trail in the 21 years i've lived here.
8. I feel NO PAIN
9. The ballon was never alive, and never will be, but i tell my dog it is so she barks at it for hours.
10. I Love two people equally!
11. I believe trees are inhabited by spirits
12. We rode from Vancouver, B.C. and didn't pay for camping last night
13. I was born on Friday the 13th
14. I'm tired of my parrots.
15. I saw an old friend that I hadn't seen in over 20 years and didn't stop to say hello.
16. I love myself. I mean really, truly love in with myself . If I could date myself, I would. And you know what? We'd have a great time. Real chemistry there.  

We were on a break.

Probably the very best thing about being in business for oneself is waking up one morning and deciding just not to go to work.  And that's what we did.  For 7 straight mornings.  And considering we're GIVING AWAY the lemonade, we may have even made a profit. 

But now that Grandma has been safely tucked back on an airplane and shuttled back to the land of tennis and bridge, and the sun has decided one again to make an appearance and life in general is just a little less intense, well, it was like gravity shifted under our beds and the next thing we knew we rolling down the hill to our shady spot on the path, lemonade and lemonbars in tow.

Ready to start anew...

But before we do, before we start anew, there's this one little thing that has been pestering me just a wee bit on these lazy dog days of August, but not in a bad way, more in a RCA dog listening to a phonograph way, a phonograph that is playing on the wrong speed kind of way.  So here goes;  I'm just wondering how it is that on the day my 80 year old mother and 10 year old daughter were managing the stand  a VEGAS SECRET and a potty humor secret filtered through the clouds and trees and viscosity of humanity and landed like a big bird turd on our lemonade stand? 

And it's not that I'm offended by the secrets.  Yay, secrets.  No holds bar!  We opened the door to secrets and we like that door to be open!

I'm just asking why is it on days when I provocate "free your soul with free lemonade",  the secrets which line our box vacillate between "I love lemonade" and rare and beautifully brutal truths - yay secrets and all you beautiful barers of your soul -, but when my fairly quiet and shy girl child and my clearly-there-just-to-placate-the-relatives-mother take full reign, penises start falling from the sky?  Something to think about.  Or not.  

Anyway, here are the secrets:

1. I stole a Hershy Bar when I was 8. 
2. I hit my sister.
3. I DON'T WANT TO BE A LAWYER, BUT I'M NOT IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH TO FIGURE OUT WHAT ELSE TO DO.  I THINK I FAILED THE BAR, ANYWAY.
4. One of my favorite things in the whole world is free lemonade. 
5. I spend too much money on shoes
6. I wish I did more things with my daughter
7. I hope to see the healing of the nation.
8. I started school when I was four
9. I once took the dog for a long morning walk when I knew she would rather just read.
10. I don't know how to use half the stuff on my cell phone.
11. I AM GAY AND LOVE IT; JUST CAN'T LET EVERYONE KNOW!
12. My name in some languages means handsome
13. Hope to travel to every country in the world
14. I'm from MT.
15. When I was 17 I drove my parents 57 Ford Stationwagon with bald tires, on a double date, at 110 MPH on the freeway.  I risked the loves of my friends and myself.  I am thoroughly ashamed.  My guardian angel has worked very hard over the years.
16. I do not like demanding HouseGuest.  We have had a few.

Today was the slowest day ever! We were there for 2 and half hours and only got eight secrets. It was a drag. Here are the eight secrets:
By Luna




1. Im totally in love w/ my husband.
2. I have never been ona roller coster! thanks for the lemonade.
3. I've found the truth in the fact that people only befriend those who they find attractive.
4. This weekend a friend didnt get invited to a party and i didnt stand up for him :(
5. I drink a manhatten every night
6. I like going through red lights even though  know I shoudnt (and I almost never do)
7. Sometimes I go to a movie when my wife thinks im at work.
8. I like people less when I find out they dont like cats.

The Crass Crash Grandma's Lemonade Stand August 2, 2010 (Rated PG-13)

 Today my grandma came to visit from San Francisco.We immediately set up a lemonade stand. It was lots of fun. We got 20 secrets, here they are:

by Luna

The Crass Crash Grandma's Lemonade Stand August 2, 2010 (Rated PG-13)

1. I confess that I love pizza and chocolate.
2. I'm afraid of riding a bike.
3. I secretly snoop for my christmas presents when my parents aren't home -oops :)
4. My secret is that I am very much in love with my best friend and they do not love me. :(
5. I have kept a secret all my life a secret from myself.  All my life I told myself I was worthless, dumb and ugly.  I truly believed this and I believed thats what everyone else believed.  I am finally telling the truth - I have been lying to myself.  Actually I am really intelligent, quite beautiful and my presence is a blessing.  My secret is out!
6. I EAT 2 POUNDS OF M&M'S PER WEEK! :)
7. I wish my sister and I were closer.
8. I have a dog named Zoe.
9. My confession is that I feed my cat ("cheap cat food")
10. I am totally and completely in love
11. I've only carved graffiti in two toilet stalls.  The first one said "Bob XXXX Fondles polyps"- he was a zoology teacher.  The second said "My dick is a Harley, I kick it to start. "  The first is a true sttement.  The second turned out to be anatomically impossible.
12. I'm in love with a girl named britanee
13. I am totally & completely in love
14. My wife and I got kicked out of a swimming pool in a motel at Lake Chelan for skinny dipping.
15. Vegas Confession: - Payed for hooker and didn't even get sex!
16. I wish I'd believed in myself a little earlier
17. I like my job most of the time
18. I found a lost dog one time and really liked it... I wanted to keep her! :)
19. I made my wife carry a watermelon up a hill when we were on a bike trip.
20. I'm scared of cycling all the way to San Francisco!

Free Dump Day 2010 Style, August 1, 2010

The '90's in Seattle were totally epic.  Sounds silly, I know.  But think about it.  Most of the people who had money in Seattle were young, geeky and liberal which meant money went into projects that were interesting to the young, had a little geeky vibe and were liberal, in essence. There are so many examples to point to but that's not my point (although, as we are currently watching reruns of the X-Files with our lovely 10 year old daughter, I would be remiss not to give a nod to Hollywood's Seattle Stomping Ground Days in the form of said Alien series (which, by extension, means I should give a shout out to Twin Peaks)).   Seattle wasn't on the pulse, Seattle was the pulse. And we had a soundtrack to drown out any dissenters. And the beer bottles to ... recycle.

Being in my 20's in Seattle in the '90's was definitely fortuitous.  Like many things of youth, it's something I remember wistfully.  Today my more tender feelings were invoked when I was a reminded of one of my fondest memories from the days of yore:  The City's annual FREE DUMP DAY.  

Yes, the city actually provided a "Free Dump Day".  18 wheelers carrying ginormous dumpsters crowded the parking lots of local high schools and citizens of this fine city lined up to drop off their copious crap from dusk to dawn.  I don't know why or when dump day disappeared but it's been gone for over a decade and I still sorely miss it.  This very morning I was lamenting our loss as I rented a van from the Depot, filled it with 625 pounds of detritus and hauled it to the transfer station. 

Now don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against the ole transfer station, although it doesn't compare to my memory of bears in the adirondacks.  I will contend that it is a fine place to release some repressed anger in a civilized and social manner, standing behind a 4 foot concrete wall, huckin' once treasured items that long ago turned burdensome and watchin' 'em splatter.  


The transfer station I frequent, and I do frequent as frequently as I can justify, has had a recent face life. One of the high points is the row of colorful speakers in giant wheels blasting out nature sounds as you drive in and out - the running stream always makes me have to go pee, though - but facelift or no, I'd take FREE and Nirvana over $31.25 and Frogs Croaking any day!

Alas, Free-Dump-Days-high-school-parking-lot style are gone forever.  But we're here to tell you its spirit lives on!  Everyday (that we set up shop) is "FREE toxic secret Dump Day" for any and everyone who so choses to participate.  And we won't check your bike license to make sure you are a local citizen, cuz we're all local citizens.  Imagine.  

Free Dump Day August 1, 2010

1. I can't stand being around my "best friend" 90% of the time
2. It breaks my heart that my 10 year old doesn't feel ok to hug me
3. I miss my dog more than my husband.
4. My legs are getting tired on this bikeride
5. When I was 10 I stole $2 from my mom's purse because I heard the ice cream man!
6. City people are nicer than they want you to think they are.
7. That all we find significant ???? ???? are our a means of judgement is utterly transitory and yet no more subject to transulations(?) then if it were eternal
8. My wife thinks she married up, but most people think she's unfortunate
9. I like romantic comedies!
10. I took my nipple piercings out 
11. My secret friend Silvestro he is nice and his real name is Poncho Cumacho.
12. I stole my brothers money and spent it on a chocolate bar
13. I weigh over 200 lbs
14. I don't like mushrooms.
15. I have a crush on Page!!!
16. I will change the world three times before I die.  Just watch :)
17. Whenever I see a happy, but crazy, homeless person, I wish I has a little more like them.

T-Shirts, Rituals and Your Mother - July 31, 2010 (PG-13)

This just in:
Last night it became apparent that the process of keeping all these secrets is cramping our style - literally.  Sure, it's nothing like the toxicity carrying these secrets has had for some of you and I fully appreciate that.  That said, for both of us, or rather, for all of us (and I mean the Royal "ALL"), I've decided that the best thing to do with them is BURN THEM!   I'm debating scheduling the day o' release ritual on either August 22nd or September 21st, as both these dates have witness enormous trauma in our lives.  To release a little of that with all of your secrets might be a nice symbol...   


More details about 8/22 & 9/21 may or may not be forthcoming in future installments on this blog...



Moving on:
The other big event in August is our Punk Rock T-Shirt drawing for FOLLOWERS of our blog.  As it stands today, there are 7 contenders (family members  and "anonymous followers" are excluded), so your odds are pretty good, you crazy kids!  We have yet to actually make the Punk Rock t-shirt or devise the time, place or select a random number generator to select said lucky recipient, but it's gonna happen, so follow us if you want to win the Punk Rock t-shirt!


What was said:
Speaking of t-shirts, I wish I had taken a picture of my fav t-shirt or could remember the website where the bearer of said t-shirt said we could purchase said t-shirt.  The t-shirt said, "Your mother eats lunch for breakfast."  I know her!  My idol!


Movie Night:
I cannot believe that the family is watching "Grease" on t.v. right now!  Our "Family Movie" was supposed to be "Creature Comforts".  "Thpace"

T-shirts, Rituals and Your Mother, July 31, 2010

PG-13 Secrets

1. My secret is I have a crush on a goal keeper :)
2. Secret #1 it's my pie dough.  i put vinegar in my pie dough.  don't tell.
3. My son loves to keep deadbees as part of his 'Nature Connection'.
4. Computers are the best part of grad school
5. I like Cathy
6. I HAVE A KID NAMED ORIEN
7. I have catered weddings for 5 years & we always take bets on 1) how long it will last 2) how drunk the bride will get & 3)sometimes get drunk on the job
8. There are days I do not like spending time with my book club members
9. I love to squeeze jello thru my teeth
10. Being Chinese makes me uncomfortable
11. My son became a criminal and died a violent death because of his reactions to my selfish neglect of him in his childhood
12. I Love Your Lemon Bars.
13. Being an adult - not as good as advertised
14. I don't speak spanish, but everyone thinks I do.
15. A secret ingredient for lemonade is lavender blossoms

Rasta Far Riders Day July 30,2010

We made it to the 4 p.m. show but we missed the evening Rastafridans secondary to a little life jumping up and mugging us.  No big, the Rasta Far Riders were a fine bunch with whom to hang.  The majority of them were on EPIC bike rides, laying down 20, 30, 40, 50 miles of tire.   Finding us along the way, they stopped, they drank lemonade and they let loose the secrets. 

But first they chatted.  We covered far ranging topics, from movie making to map making, from oblivious mates to obvious hates. Spawned by yesterday's secret about Roller Derby and cutting, one women commented that she read a study which indicated that women in domestic violence situations will usually return to said negative lifestyle unless, during the course of an intervention, they are introduced to some other form of intense, adrenalian pumping, physical sport...in the case of this study, women's boxing was the stalwart escape route.  Go Roller Derby and women's boxing and lemonade and trusted steeds! 

Rasta Far Riders Day July 30,2010

1. I like pie
2. Forget I put .75 in the box.  Thanx.
3. I don't really want this new tandem!!
4. I don't like most people.  But they think I do.
5. Bald cyclists are faster becasuse:  we are more aerodynamic
6. My Secret:  I would have loved to lived in horse days - and my bike has been a substitute- instead.
7. I would be a brilliant and prolific writer- if I were not still so affected by the 20 years of abuse - that I can barely stand to write about ow I feel and you're never allowed to say "I wouold be brilliant if."
8. ONE OF THE VERY MOST REWARDING 'SECRETS' I'VE LEARNED IS THAT WHEN YOU GIVE, YOU RECEIVE MORE, USUALLY MUCH MORE.  BE KIND AND GENEROUS ROUTINELY ... AND WATCH WHAT COMES BACK TO YOU.
9. I hate my brothers friends but I like their brothers especially one.  and I hate lemonade but I like lemon drops.
10. We can live sustainably We can preserve and protect the planet.  We are smart enough to do this!
11. Still sometimes struggle with an eating disorder.
12. I'm afraid of crane flies.
13. I love cute puppies!

Analytics, Shmanalytics July 29

I just checked our google analytics and let me just say, it's a good thing we have secrets for you tonight!  The average time on our site today has been 12 seconds, down from an average of close to 5 minutes.  Twelve seconds?  So, before you click off, let me reassure you that we have secrets today and I'll be posting them post haste.  Not only that, tomorrow is, by all estimates, going to be a stellar day.  We'll be hitting the trail around 4:00 and we'll be there until 5:30 and just maybe we'll venture back out after 7 to give lemonade to the Friday Rasta Riders.    To the gentleman in the express lane at Safeway who said 20 cans of lemonade and 10 boxes of lemon bars and brownies were not more than 20 items because of the "rule of affinity", we can't make it by 3:30 tomorrow secondary to that dern work thang, but I'm hoping we'll catch you on Monday.  

Next week we're going to have more diversity in our hours and less 4 year old in our shadow thanks to a visit from Grandma!!  Which means better baked goods, too - if you can imagine that!  The Grandma quotient is the penultimate!

ANALYTICS SHMANALYYTICS, JULY 29

1. We just lost both of my cats at a new house and I don't know if we are going to find them.
2. I cheat at Scrabble - (I look at the dictionary.)
3. I started Roller derby because I couldn't cut myself anymore but I keep doing it because I don't want to anymore.
4. I cried while watching the movie "Dances with wolves".
5. I eat lots of ice cream every night
6. One time I cheated playing scrabble and flipped over some tiles to pretend they were blanks.
7. What weighs 34 tons and swims in Glacier Bay, Alaska?
8. I like my teacher a lot
9. I used to let my dog sleep under my blanket with me and have him put his head on my pillow.
10. Every time I bike I look for you guys now and am sad when you're not here!
11. I like brussel sprouts
12. I have serious self-esteem problems but I'm a diva on the outside.

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